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Showing posts from March, 2016


Before I had a baby I wanted to have four.  I wanted to be a stay at home mom.


The reality is, I don't think I could do that.  As I sit right here, right now, I don't think I could handle the pressure of being home alone with my baby every single day.

Today, my 9 month old ate her own poop.  Yup.  Sitting in her crib, her poop leaked out of her diaper and she looked down at the undigested peas she had eaten last night and ATE them.. again..

Last night I snapped at her.  I yelled, "STOP!" as she threw a fit while I tried changing her diaper.

I realized what had happened and I placed her in her pack n play without a diaper and walked away.  I sat on our stairs and cried.  And took a deep breath and went back to her.  I held her down and calmly put her diaper on as she screamed.  I honestly don't know what else I should have done differently.  She needed her diaper on her body.  She was throwing a complete fit, but I had to, for 2 minutes, ignore it and get t…

I just feel like it.

Today, I just feel like writing.  I know.. There is so much else I should be doing, but honestly, I think I may go crazy if I don't just..write.

This is my therapy.  This is my chance to organize my thoughts and feelings so that they don't get bottled up and confusing in my heart.  It's a sort of.. prayer.  I know He hears me when I write and when I feel and I know He is keeping watch over everything in my life right now.  It's nice to know that.  He goes unthanked too often, but He is still there.    

I love my baby, but I miss my husband.  He is still there though.  He is reliable.  He is loving.  He is supportive.  He is my rock when I need to crash into him like a wave of emotion.  He stays strong as the waves break against him.  He too goes unthanked too often.  I pray for him.  I pray for his true happiness in the midst of this crazy life we are in right now.  And I know he finds it when he looks into her eyes.  I know he finds it when she says "Dad" …